It may have happened to you, however, you are not the one I am talking to, it is the one who is presently having this experience, so are you the fallback girl and Mr Unavailble is still around trying to sell you his product?
Where do I start, oh… I can start by sharing with you some signs that the man your heart has fallen for is unavailable.
1. He is difficult to read. You are with him for an entire day and you still cannot tell if he enjoyed himself or not, he is always guarded, moody and aloft. You would love to get out and have some fun, your friends call you up, “hey, we are having a party next Saturday night, why not bring your boo and come to have a great time.” You are excited and share this with him, and his immediate reaction is, he is not sure, he will let you know. You wait patiently to hear from him and nothing, so a day before you remind him and he did not remember a thing, still not committing. However, whether he eventually comes or not, that is certainly a sign. Not to mention he is asking you out and a day before the event or hours before he is asking you to accompany him to an important function and has the nerve to act up if you are not sure you can make at short notice.
2. He is self-centred. Ever notice that you are always saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, he constantly complains about mistakes that you keep making, the relationship is really all about pleasing him? Being self-centred is a defence mechanism for someone who wants to be in control. At the beginning of the relationship he is very sweet, he has captured your heart, that is all that is important to him, but he is not going to be able to keep up appearances, he will be inconsistent with his reaction to you, but you will forgive him, justify his behaviour, stroke his ego, you are in love with an unavailable man and you are going to change him.
3. Mean to others. You are both going on a trip, this is absolutely wonderful and you are beside yourself. When you get to one of the many intersections, a couple of street boys converge on the vehicle you are both in, they are about to wipe the glass of his brand new Benz and he just explodes! When he is done you are not sure what just happened, as annoying as these boys can be he did not have to explode in that manner and if you try to have a conversation about it, he may just go off on you too… run to the hills.
4. Sex life is good? Where have you guys been since the relationship is now settled? The relationship is in your mind, okay, but you are not going out enough, he is not introducing you to friends and relatives, family functions are off limit for one reason or another or you will hear that the family met after the fact. It is mostly him coming over, watching a movie and having sex. When he is done he will laze around, probably mumble sweet nothings, this can go on for months, you do not complain at least he is there.
5. He never takes the blame. Something goes down, you both argue, this much is true, he doesn’t apologise, he will defend his action to the death, he gets angry easily, probably hangs up the phone on you which is always a surprise because you cannot understand why he would get so angry and the conversation was not even intense. If you ask about past relationships look out for two answers, either the women were not good enough, or they wanted more than he could provide, but it is never his fault, pay attention.
6. They are always busy. This person will work long hours, even if just being at work after hours playing solitaire on their computer, they are more into that than into hanging out with you. They may not admit it, and the excuse is they are busy. Hanging out with their friends, avoiding difficult conversations, keeping secrets, watching a lot of TV, complaining about being tired all the time, are all signs that Mr Unavailable is in your life.
The date is at 7 p.m. and he comes at 8:36 p.m. he offers a lame excuse and you are explaining to him that this has happened a couple times before and you are not happy, then his reaction is to tell you that he tried his best and he cannot be bothered and maybe it is better to just go your separate ways! Is he serious, would he really break up for that?
He breaks it off, he blocks you and announces he is seeing someone else, you do not hear from him for weeks, then he calls you up, he is sorry, he begs for your heart again and you give your heart to him again, in the name of love. His attitude is still the same, no change and the cycle starts all over again. You do the introspection, this guy has broken up with you… goodness!!! 3 times in 5 months!
Now that you are aware of the signs of emotionally unavailable men, you can watch out for them in the early days of dating so that you don’t end up investing too much time and energy into them before you realize you’ll never get what you want. Even if your heart is in it, if the signs are steering you in the face, run to the hills. If you allow him to come back to you each time he has a failed relationship or a need only you can fill he will, but he will not commit to you, he doesn’t even know why so do not ask.
So congratulate yourself. You now know what to avoid so that you steer clear of men who will never open up to you emotionally, and that puts you on the right path to love.
People will pretend in getting who they want, whether it is deliberate or not because in truth, some of these men honestly are not aware that they are unavailable, they are sincerely looking for something intimate but they just do not have the capacity to settle down and they will hurt you.