How to rebuild trust with someone you hurt

You love each other and that is a fact, but what if the one you love betrays you? When you are betrayed by someone it can really come in many different forms, dishonesty, unfaithfulness, being disrespected at the most inappropriate place and time, and even withholding information that is critical to the relationship.

You love each other and that is a fact, but what if the one you love betrays you? When you are betrayed by someone it can really come in many different forms, dishonesty, unfaithfulness, being disrespected at the most inappropriate place and time, and even withholding information that is critical to the relationship.

Relationships are complex  and there are many factors that can contribute to the breakdown of trust and sometimes it really has nothing to do with the love you have for each other, it can come from your attachment style, your every day experiences and so you may be guarding your heart against any possible hurt in the future and so a cycle has developed.

Unfortunately, trust can be broken in so many ways and the way back to trusting each other can be a difficult journey. The good news is, no matter how difficult the situation may appear after trust is breached there is always a way back instead of running away from the relationship.

Before you can start trusting your partner again you need to START TRUSTING YOURSELF. I know that sounds silly, but if you were betrayed why do you need to start trusting yourself again? Margaret Paul says in an article, “Then and only then will you be able to discern what is true and what isn’t about your partner and the relationship. With self-trust, you will be able to feel — and believe — when he or she is lying or trying to take advantage of you in a way that erodes trust.” Interestingly, however, if you were lied to, it is not whether your partner is going to do it again but if you can trust that they are not out to hurt you? How to rebuild trust with someone you hurthas to be one of the scariest feeling, the thought of losing someone you love is scary.

It is good to know that broken trust can be healed, the important element in all of this is to be sure that the person you are relating to is sincere, honest, humble and respectful. Once those components are a part of your relationship, it is almost a certainty that the relationship can stand the test of time. The underlying causes for betrayal need to be identified, examined and worked on in order for betrayal not to resurface again.

So he/she did it again, how many times? Once your partner has accepted that they were wrong, once they are willing to do what it takes in making it better, that is a perfect start. Sure, they may do it again, but you know how habits die hard, the desire to quit smoking or alcohol, cold turkey would be great, but for the majority of persons who just stopped without learning about their moods and why they do the things they do, chances are it may happen again, but the important thing is you are growing and moving forward, focus on the positive things of your relationship, forgiveness is important, you are saying to your partner, I trust that you care enough about the relationship to give the rebuilding process your best.

You are not trusting them because they will not repeat the behaviour, but you are trusting that they love you enough in doing their best in correcting whatever contributed to the hurt. Good luck.